security 101?
Is there a good step by step refresher course on cryptography culminating in my being able to get a cert of my own from a trusted CA that I can use to add to my browser to sign/encrypt everything and try to use maybe against I'd theft? Something that fits Ff on all my Linux/Android devices.
I can even pay/donate for signing up.
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That's not how this works. You don't need a certificate. You would only need one, if you would be setting up a server. If you would like to have added security, then VPN would be the obvious choice, but in that case, you have to be careful, as you are basically doing a MitM attack on yourself, so choose your provider wisely. But I am not sure, that the hassle is worth it.